Will I ever grow up?

When you're a child you dream of what you are going to do when you grow up. Some children want to be firemen or policemen. Other children like Lincoln want to be mountain climbers, until he tried to climb bridal veil falls with me when he was 4-years-old and decided that wasn't for him. As for me, well, ever since I can remember my life's ambition was to run my own business. I don't know where that came from, I do remember wanting to be a pilot and an attorney, but even while those things sounded fun and intriguing, the overwhelming favorite was starting my own business.

I'm finding this to be one of the more difficult and trying aspirations. I did finally start my own business in June of the year 2000 and after struggling for one whole year to find any clients whatsoever, I finally landed my first and second clients right in a row. Things went well for the next 2 years or so until war broke out in Iraq and car dealerships starting cinching their belts up a few notches and forced me to sell the business and move on. Interestingly enough the person to whom I sold the business ran 3 other locations in different states and was extremely successful in those areas with the same business. However, after a just a few short months in Utah she cut her losses and closed up shop as well. Although this shouldn't have made me feel good, I have to say it was a relief to discover that the problem in this area had nothing to do with my ability to run a business.

Now 4 years later, here I am still wondering what I want to be when I grow up. I've bounced from job to job, looking for something that would both challenge me and provide a decent living for my growing family. One look at my resume and most employers think I'm a "fly-by-night" that can't hold a job. Truth is, if their jobs were as good as they claimed, I wouldn't have left. But low pay, 9-11 dollars an hour for a college graduate, poor work environment, and poor hours have left me a little more than jaded. I currently work as a corrections officer in the Maximum Security unit of the Utah State prison. And, although I do enjoy working with the other officers, and the the benefits are amazing, the pay still isn't enough to support a growing family. So what am I to do? Go back to school and live on student loans until I graduate? Try a go at starting an insurance agency again? Accept a high interest loan to attend a private helicopter pilot school? Move back to Texas and become a petroleum land man? What am I going to be when I grow up? Shouldn't I know? I am 32-years-old?